June Inspired Leap™ "Ah-Ha!" Newsletter
June 15, 2007
Topics Covered This Month
- Quote of the Month
- Upcoming Workshops and Retreats
- Your Network is Your Path to Success
- Everyone Fails
- Ask About Their Passions
- The Refrigerator Test
- Final Thoughts Never Eating Alone, or Developing Your Network
Dear Dianna,
At my business school reunion a few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of hearing Keith Ferrazzi, author of Never Eat Alone, lead a session on the importance of developing strong business relationships—not settling for the typical "arms length" interactions with people you work with. Ferrazzi's interactive presentation was a compelling reminder of the professional and personal rewards of taking a risk—being vulnerable—and taking the time to develop a strong network. Austin's own Steve Harper, author of The Ripple Effect, offers his unique method for doing this with the 8 Minute Ripple.
Read on to be inspired to take steps to connect in new ways to your existing network and to expand it exponentially to increase your joy in what you do, your power within your organization, and your ability to help those around you.
Quote of the Month
The great myth of "networking" is that you start reaching out to others only when you need something like a job. In reality, people who have the largest circle of contacts, mentors, and friends know that you must reach out to others long before you need anything at all.—Keith Ferrazzi, Never Eat Alone, p. 42.
Upcoming Workshops and Retreats
Your Network is Your Path to Success
Verizon Wireless advertises the strength of its network or reach by showing thousands of people "with" every Verizon Wireless customer. If you were to create your own ad with all of the people in your network (personal and professional), how big would it be? How strong would the "connections" between you and each of those individuals be?
In the opening chapter of his excellent book, Never Eat
Alone, author and CEO Keith Ferrazzi (Visit www.ferrazzigreenlight.com to find out more.) shares a powerful quote from Margaret Wheatley's book, Leadership and the New Science (one of my favorites) explaining why the answers to these questions are so vital to your success and the richness of your life:
Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone.—Margaret Wheatley, p. 3, emphasis added
Throughout his book, Ferrazzi reminds us that the independence and individualism we value so highly in the U.S. can get in the way of our success and happiness. In reality, we cannot succeed in isolation. We are dependent upon the help, connections, and mentoring of others. Ferrazzi shares vivid personal examples of how his innate ability to connect with others (and continued development of this talent) enabled him to become the youngest marketing director Deloitte Touche ever had and then to move on to other exciting opportunities.
While Ferrazzi quoted numerous studies supporting the importance of networks (not just good relationships with management and staff), a study by Ron Burt, University of Chicago Graduate School of Business professor, stands out: "The ability to bridge different worlds, and even different people within the same profession, is a key attribute in managers who are paid better and promoted faster." [pp. 174-175, emphasis added.] How broad is your network? If you only stay in touch with people directly connected to your current job and your family, your network is too small. Start branching out.
One relatively easy way to expand and strengthen your network is to reconnect with people who have played an important role in your life. Take a moment to think about all of the people who've helped you get where you are today. Are you still in contact with all or most of them? If not, consider reaching out and telling them how much you appreciate them. Bring them back into your network. I have a mixed record in this area and will be doing a lot of reconnecting in the coming months, as I realize I've lost contact with some very important people in my life.
Ferrazzi provides many valuable suggestions and a disciplined approach to staying in contact. For example, he recommends creating a list of people in your network (and people you want in your network) with a planned contact date and method of connection(via email, phone, letter, or a meal) every 90 days to 1 year. This disciplined and pre-planned approach to staying in touch may be just what you need to power up your network.
Everyone Fails
The opening quote ("you must reach out to others long before you need anything at all") reminds you not wait until you're out of a job to build your network. What you want is a strong network of people who already think you're wonderful and who will happily connect you with someone who will then get you connected to the right person or new job.
Take a moment to imagine a drastic change in your career. Do you know who you can count on to connect you? While close family and friends are great, Ferrazzi points out that many times it's the contacts that are not in our immediate circle who can help us most. How many of those kind of contacts do you have? For those of you who have been buried in your work and families, it's easy to lose sight of the need to spend precious time making phone calls, writing letters or emails, or attending social or networking clubs. Perhaps you tell yourself "if it doesn't "pay" now, why do it?"
When you start to tell yourself that you're too busy or too tired to stay in touch, remember these words of Ferrazzi: "Everyone fails in life. What will you do when the phone calls that were once returned immediately now don't even get a response?" [p. 268]
Because everyone—including you—fails or simply decides to make a change, be generous with your network when a friend contacts you for help personally or for one of their contacts. They will always remember that you helped. And think about this: how good did you feel the last time you were able to connect someone to the right person for a job or someone to make their life easier? Steve Harper, author of The Ripple Effect, makes a strong case for the power of relationships and helping others succeed in order to ultimately help yourself too.
Obviously it's not about being calculated about it—insincerity can be smelled and felt a mile away. It's about taking the time to follow up as you naturally would if you didn't feel so stressed and busy, and trusting that by making the time, the gift you give of yourself, your contacts, and your ideas will come back to you in some way, shape, or form.
Ask About Their Passions
During his session at the Harvard Business School reunion (of which Ferrazzi is an alumni too), Ferrazzi had all of the participants take a few moments to introduce each other. After finding that we—like most people—spent the time talking about what we did for a living, Ferrazzi had us introduce ourselves to another person sitting near us and ask each other what we're passionate about. The energy in the room rose significantly and people reported feeling an immediate connection with the person they met.
All too often, we get stuck in creating business relationships that are very superficial and offer minimal emotional support. Ferrazzi encouraged us to be a bit vulnerable when we can and literally ask new business contacts or associates what they're passionate about in order to take the relationship to a deeper level.
Personally, I am always touched by the people who remember how much I love my dog and USC football—two of my passions. All they have to do is ask me about Forest or how USC's doing and I light up like a Christmas tree. Knowing that many of them could care less about pets or football makes their willingness to ask and listen even more meaningful to me. In the case of football games, I have friends who can't stand sports who will look up the results of Saturday's games to see if my team won—now that's friendship! Imagine how that kind of effort can help you deepen a connection with a co-worker, boss, employee, or friend.
If you need some help getting comfortable talking with strangers (friends you haven't made yet) about more than the weather or their job, check out Steve Harper's 8 Minute Ripple program or have him come to open up your conference or retreat. I can promise you, you'll walk away with some wonderful contacts that are already beyond the superficial stage. (Visit www.ripplecentral.com to find out more.)
The Refrigerator Test
At a recent brown bag lunch gathering of business women at a friend's home to mentor and coach each other, I remarked on the obvious close friendship of two of the women because one of them was freely going in and out of the other's refrigerator for items to help her prepare her own lunch. So, imagine my delight when Keith Ferrazzi referenced this situation in Never Eat Alone. He quoted another book (Refrigerator Rights: Creating Connections and Restoring Relationships) that asks us to consider how many people we have in our lives that "can walk into our homes and just open up the fridge and help themselves?"[p. 289]
In our hectic lives, with numerous commitments, it can be easy to get into a situation where only family members would open up our refrigerators at will. Can you even imagine allowing anyone you work with do that? Would they even consider opening your refrigerator door if they were invited to your home? While that may seem like a silly question, we rarely are unhappy at work when we are comfortable and connected with the people we work with. We may choose to move on for a bigger challenge, but it is a joyful and somewhat bittersweet move, instead of a painful "get me out of here" departure.
Are there any people you work with you can begin to move toward "refrigerator door" friends? Do you even have friends outside of work who fall into this category? Changes don't happen overnight, but even the most overworked or shy among us can expand and strengthen his or her network by taking a few small steps. For me, my goal is to add five new "refrigerator door" friends in 2007 (gee, I guess that means I need to invite people over...) and contact the business school friends I reconnected with at least twice per year. I've got more ideas, but this is a start. How about you? What will you do to build your network?
Final Thoughts Never Eating Alone, or Developing Your Network
When I quit my job in 2001, burned out and exhausted, I had very few contacts and friends outside of work (although most of those relationships are still strong today). Quite frankly, the lack of a deep local network made it relatively easy for me to relocate from Seattle to Austin and accept the challenge of building a completely new network in Austin. While I have no regrets about where I am today, I can tell you that I would have appreciated a bigger, deeper network that could have eased my transition to Inspired Leap.
Don't let my past experience be yours. For those of you who are already well-connected and pros at keeping your network strong, give yourself a HUGE pat on the back. The rest of you, like me, start taking steps today to strengthen your network. For you never know when a connection will make the difference between getting what you want in life and a distant second choice.
With encouragement to leap ahead,
Dianna Amorde
President,
Inspired Leap Consulting Inc.Comments or questions about this newsletter? Email me at damorde@inspiredleap.com.
I look forward to hearing from you.. . .
If your company needs help with inspiring employees to reach new heights in productivity, creativity, morale, and integrity, please contact us at inspiredleap.com or 512-236-0090. If you need some more inspiration or more regular nudging to practice these steps, check out our website to see what's new to inspire you (a visit to The Quiet Room may be just what you need!).