October Inspired Leap™ "Ah-Ha!" Newsletter
October 22, 2007
Topics Covered This Month
- Quote of the Month
- Upcoming Workshops and Retreats
- What Stops You?
- We Can't Always Predict What Will Stop Us.
- What Will Happen If You Get Wet?
- Final Thoughts on Moving Beyond What's Stopping You
Dear Dianna,
During my retreat in Sedona, Arizona earlier this month, I hiked in a gorgeous canyon—the fall colors were spectacular and the red rocks amazing. The 6-mile hike was relatively flat and easy, except for frequent crossings of a delightful creek that flowed from the heart of the canyon. While the trail was well-kept with strategically placed stones to help hikers cross without getting their shoes too wet, it was interesting to watch the people who let the creek "stop" them from either continuing along the trail or from enjoying the experience.
Read on to be inspired to acknowledge, face, and let go of what stops you—whatever your "creek crossing" is.
Quote of the Month
We cannot always choose the hurdles we must overcome, but we can choose how we overcome them.—Carly Fiorina, Tough Choices, p. 31
Upcoming Workshops and Retreats
What Stops You?
I had the pleasure of hearing Carly Fiorina, former CEO of Hewlett-Packard, speak at the Texas Conference for Women on October 1st. In many ways, her inspiring talk was about what she refused to let stop her. You obviously don't rise to CEO without facing many hurdles along the way. At any time, Fiorina could have chosen to turn away from a hurdle instead of jumping over it, or—in some cases—plowing through it.
While I'm not yet finished with her fascinating memoir, Tough Choices, I was struck by two stories Fiorina told of hurdles she faced. Fiorina mentioned both of these experiences in her talk as well, so they were clearly powerful, meaningful challenges to her. In one case, the hurdle was a sexist co-worker who wasn't interested in having a sales partner, especially one who was female and fresh out of the management training program at AT&T. In the other case, the hurdle was her own fear of a relatively simple exercise in her management development program.
In the case of the sexist sales partner, David, Fiorina was forced to choose an embarassing, even humiliating, action in order to send a powerful message that she would not be intimidated. One day, shortly after her arrival, David informed Fiorina that one of their important clients was coming to town to meet with them. Unfortunately, this client insisted on meeting for lunch at their favorite restaurant—a famous "gentleman's club," The Boardroom. What made The Boardroom so famous was the entertainment—young women dress in "see-through baby-doll negligees and dance on top of the tables while the patrons eat lunch." [p. 29]
Of course, David said he was sorry that it would be inappropriate for Fiorina to be there, but what could he do, the client chose the restaurant. Obviously, Fiorina was furious and she agonized over what her next step should be. She finally decided that she had to stand up for herself and not back down. She told David she would meet them at the restaurant!
After a few hours, having made my point, I left them all there. they heaved a sigh of relief, I'm sure, but the next day in the office, the balance of power had shifted perceptibly. I had shown David and Steve [another co-worker] that I would not be intimidated, even if I was terrified...Having tried to diminish me, David was himself diminished. He was embarrassed. And Bill [Fiorina's boss] decided that he would take me under his wing and help me succeed. We cannot always choose the hurdles we must overcome, but we can choose how we overcome them. [pp. 30-31, emphasis added]Clearly Carly Fiorina had such a strong desire to succeed and do an excellent job that she was willing to face embarrassment and humiliation in order to jump over a tremendous hurdle. Fiorina exhibited one of the keys to being able to make the leap—her end goal was so powerful to her that it inspired her to face her fears and move through them."
We Can't Always Predict What Will Stop Us
I don't know too many people, men or women, who wouldn't think the situation Fiorina faced with her sales partner was a tremendous challenge. And, even if you never faced a situation like that, you've probably had a few big hurdles since you entered the working world. Yet, sometimes, it's the seemingly small hurdles that cause us to stumble or veer off our chosen path.
Before Carly Fiorina even had the "pleasure" of encountering David, she first had to overcome a fear that was threatening to keep her from graduating from AT&T's Management Development Program. All Fiorina had to do was use their "Seven-Step Selling Process" in a mock sales call to one of her trainers. The rules made it clear that she had to get a "pass" in order to continue the program; yet, Fiorina was terrified of having to do the exercise out of fear of making a fool of herself, so she kept putting it off.
A determination to graduate from the management program finally made her overcome her fear. She states the instructor must have taken pity on her, as "the call was pretty pathetic." Who would have thought something so simple would so terrify her? Only a few months separated these two hurdles; yet, I got the sense the more terrifying event was the sales phone call. Perhaps it was coming off the recent success at overcoming her fears about the sales call that enabled her to face her fears of showing up for that lunch at The Boardroom.
My interpretation (not hers) is that the situation with David made her angry enough to fuel her past her fear and she had little time to think about it. She needed to make a decision one way or another within a day or two. The sales phone call, on the other hand, was something she stewed about for days, imagining the worst. Our minds can be our worst enemies when it comes to moving past our fears. If we let too much time pass, we simply give ourselves a chance to create scenarios in our imagination that cause us to freeze in fear.
Over the years I came to recognize this same pattern in others; I wasn't the only person who was afraid. And like me during that role-playing, when confronted by something new and unfamiliar—even something relatively simple and meaningless— people often become immovable because of their fears. In the course of those long hours in the conference room, I'd learned , once again, that each time I overcame my own fear, I was stronger. [p. 26]When it comes to our hurdles, we don't always realize what our worst fears are until we're faced with them, often in seemingly small events. Another key to moving past fears is to follow a three-step process: 1) Take a short amount of time to calm or center yourself and hold a clear vision of what you want; 2) devise a small step you can take to begin to move out of your frozen position; and 3) "just do it," as the famous Nike tagline says. Allowing yourself too much time to worry causes you to make challenges bigger than life and more difficult to handle.
What Will Happen If You Get Wet?
As noted above, our active imagination can get the best of us just when we need it to focus on something positive. One of the ways to guard against this happening is to embrace it in two different ways: 1) really look at what the worst thing is that can happen; and 2) take that vivid imagination and turn it toward visualizing your ideal outcome.
In the case of the hikers crossing the creek in Sedona, if they had only taken a moment to truly imagine the worst, most of them would have let go of the fear of crossing. It wasn't a fast moving, deep creek. The only fear was getting a little wet, or—worst case, falling into the creek. What would really be so awful about that? When we stop and look the imagined worst case scenario in the eye, it usually shrinks in power. Rarely are we in a situation where we don't have the strength, resources, and inner power to handle what we imagine as the worst possible outcome.
The other option is to embrace your active imagination and gently turn it toward a positive outcome. Acknowledge the possibility of the worst, then turn your attention to creating a vivid picture of you skipping across whatever your "creek" is safely and joyfully, ending up with dry shoes.
Finally, it is important to remember that we are wired to avoid change. Our brain (the amygdala area on both sides of our brain, in particular) works to keep us out of harm's way and in our relatively safe comfort zone. So, don't beat yourself up for having times of being frozen in fear or stopped cold in front of a hurdle. We all experience the same thing. Rather than fighting the way you're wired, use it. Slowly build up a comfort level with the particular experience or challenge. Devise teeny, tiny next steps to stretch your comfort zone, so when you actually get to the hurdle, your mind thinks of it as only "skipping" over the challenge instead of "leaping" over it.
As 2007 begins to wind its way to a close, take some time to look back at what you've allowed to stop you from having the success you want. Perhaps nothing stops you at work, but your personal relationships are a disaster. Or, maybe you've avoided following that hidden dream of hiking Mount Everest, skiing the black diamond trails at Whistler, or taking the advanced photography class that will turn your hobby into an avocation. Make a commitment to yourself to look at what's stopped you and finally let it go.
Final Thoughts on Moving Beyond What's Stopping You
After last month's newsletter on your self worth, a friend forwarded one of her favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quotes: No one can make you inferior without your consent. We can say the same thing about what stops us: Nothing can stop you without your consent. Where are you telling yourself a story about how you can't jump the hurdle? Where in your life are you creating a horror movie of possible outcomes, so you remain frozen in fear?
Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that perhaps you weren't ready to fly, so those fears served you then. Maybe that's why you needed to see whatever hurdles you've stalled in front of or turned away from as larger than life. But do your fears serve you now?
Remind yourself of all of the challenges and hurdles you've already jumped over or plowed through. You are far more capable than that little voice or movie in your head has acknowledged. As the end of 2007 approaches, choose to leap over the hurdles that have been keeping you from achieving what you want and leap into an amazing 2008.
With encouragement to leap ahead,
Dianna Amorde
President,
Inspired Leap Consulting Inc.Comments or questions about this newsletter? Email me at damorde@inspiredleap.com.
I look forward to hearing from you.. . .
If your company needs help with inspiring employees to reach new heights in productivity, creativity, morale, and integrity, please contact us at inspiredleap.com or 512-236-0090. If you need some more inspiration or more regular nudging to practice these steps, check out our website to see what's new to inspire you (a visit to The Quiet Room may be just what you need!).